Butterflies (Rewrite)

 Continuing on with my new "series", I am going to be rewriting another one of my old posts. This time, I will be rewriting a 2 paragraphs on butterflies. Again, I will only be using the facts I used in the original, so it won't be as descriptive as I would like.

Original

The first stage in a butterfly's life cycle is an egg. The second stage is a caterpillar or a larva.  The third stage is a chrysalis or a pupa.  The fourth and last stage is a adult butterfly. 

Rewrite

The first stage of a butterflies life cycle is an egg. Once the egg hatches, it turns into a caterpillar, also known as a larva. Once the caterpillar has fully grown out of that stage, it turns into a chrysalis, also known as a pupa. Finally, the pupa hatches and out comes a fully grown butterfly. Once the butterfly lays eggs, the cycle continues over and over again.

Original

There are many different types of butterfly's some of them are the milkweed, monarch butterfly and the queen butterfly. Butterflies eat nectar from flowers and they drink with their feet. Butterflies camouflage because predators are scare of the bright colors on their wings.

Rewrite 

There are many different species on butterfly, some of them include the milkweed, monarch, and queen butterflies. Their main diet is nectar from flowers, which they drink using their feet. When necessary, butterflies will camouflage to avoid being injured or even killed. The bright color on some types of butterflies wings help scare away predators since it can be a sign of poison.

Looking back, my writing was pretty bad, undescriptive, and very vague. It seems like I just threw a bunch of facts together in one paragraph, making it very unorganized and jumpy. Even though my newer version is slightly better, it could use some more facts to replace the short sentences to paragraphs.