Ice Skating - Michelle Kwan (Rewrite)

 Recently I have had the idea to rewrite some of my old essays/paragraphs into better developed ones to see how much I have changed and grown in the past few years. I will be using the same facts, no more and no less.  Today I decided to rewrite 2 paragraphs I wrote on Michelle Kwan.

Original

Michelle Kwan was born 1980 in Torrance, California. Her ethic is Chinese and her parents were from Hong Kong. Michelle Kwan started skating at the age of 5 and went to Ice Castle Training Center in Lake Arrowhead in California. She was 18 years old when she went to the Olympics games. Michelle Kwan liked to skate a lot.

Updated

Michelle Kwan, 1980, was born in Torrance, California (I would add her parent's name here but I didn't include it in my original). Her parents were both from Hong Kong, making her ethnicity Chinese. She started figure skating at the age of 5, and trained at the Ice Castle Training Center, located in Lake Arrowhead, California. Kwan was 18 years old when she attended the Olympic games. 

Original

I think Michelle Kwan has good performance because she is calm and relaxed. I think Kwan is a good ice skater because she made it all the way to the Olympics games. I think i am a good ice skater because i am in Basic 6. I would like to learn how to ice skate like Kwan.

Updated

Michelle was always a calm and relaxed skater, even though she was nervous at competitions. She made it all the way to the Olympic games, and achieved many more accomplishments during her skating career. Comparing to Kwan, I still have ways to go, yet I am getting closer and closer. Kwan has inspired many people because of her fabulous skating skills, and her encouragement to others.